I think like most women (well, those that want to have children) at some point I had thought about what I would be like when I was pregnant. And of course, my perfectionist brain kicked in and I thought I would do everything by the book.
I would eat all the right things.
I would do all the right exercises
I would have a perfect little bump and not gain weight anywhere else.
I would be rational and enjoy every second of my pregnancy.
Well, let me tell you, pretty much all of these things went out the window after we found out the news.
I found out I was pregnant when I was just over 4 weeks, and apart from the tiredness, I pretty much felt normal! I cut back on intense exercise straight away but I was still running & going to the gym regularly, but already the enjoyment was fading and motivation was disappearing even quicker.
I think the main reason for this is because I have always exercised to train for something. Every run had a purpose, as did every gym session. I was always working towards something – whether it was a PB, or to run further than before, or to lose weight. Whereas literally over night, that all changed. I was no longer training, I was just exercising to stay healthy, and although that should have been motivation enough, I did find it really hard to motivate myself to get out and go.
I definitely felt the pressure on social media too before we announced the news. I had always shared my training & been open & honest about how it was going and how I was feeling, but now I had to keep this massive secret and try to make up excuses as to why I wasn’t running much or racing, which was really tough. Nobody ever questioned me outright, but in my head I thought everyone would notice something was up and wonder why I wasn’t training like I used to (chances are, nobody cared, let alone even noticed!)
I have always had a good appetite, so really it was no surprise that this continued into my pregnancy! I wasn’t eating for two as such, but I was just hungry ALL THE TIME and eating was pretty much the only thing that stopped me feeling nauseous 24/7 between weeks 6-10.
Ohhhhh that lovely pregnancy nausea. I read something online that really made me laugh, and it was that a man had clearly come up with the term morning sickness, because only someone that never suffered it would call it that! My nausea kicked in at about 6 1/2 weeks. I was never sick, but just felt constantly nauseas pretty much from the moment I woke up until I went to bed. It was pretty grim – and alongside that was the metallic taste in my mouth, and excessive saliva (pregnancy is SO glam!) so to help with this, I was constantly snacking, as that was the only thing that really helped.
Unfortunately, the foods that helped the most were good old stodgy, plain carbs – so things like crisps, bread, crackers, biscuits were my go to. Which was great for the nausea, not so good for my waistline!
I didn’t really weigh myself during the early stages, mainly because I didn’t want to get obsessive but I knew early on I gained weight. Now I am not being hard on myself – I know some of this was was pregnancy bloat (which is also very real, some days by the time I went to bed I looked 6 months pregnant!) but some of it was quite simply that I was still maintaining quite a high calorie diet, but not burning it off during exercise.
Clothes started getting tighter pretty quickly, I didn’t want to splash out on new clothes before I really needed to (and plus I was going to get a lot bigger anyway!) so I pretty much lived in leggings, sports wear & baggy jumpers for my first trimester. I did cave and get some maternity jeans though (which are so bloody comfy!)
I will be honest, I didn’t exactly feel great about myself. I didn’t have that pregnancy glow, I didn’t look pregnant. I just felt frumpy, bloated & uncomfortable. I was starting to get really nervous about how I would feel when I actually got a proper bump and got even bigger!
When I started to tell a few close friends & family that I was pregnant, a lot of them all said the same thing
‘Oh you will have such a cute little bump’
‘I bet you will be one of those people that doesn’t put weight on anywhere else’
Now I know that they were said with the best intentions, but that already made me feel pressured that I should stay slim during pregnancy, and just have the ‘perfect’ bump, and already making me feel ashamed that I had gained some early pregnancy weight.
This is also where the comparison monster came out to play – I spent A LOT of time on the internet in these first couple of months. Whether that was researching in general about pregnancy, picking out future outfits and bedroom furniture, or just stalking pregnant women or young mums on Instagram and already comparing myself to how they looked, or that they looked like they were doing the whole pregnancy thing better than me.
Since we announced the news, everyone has been so lovely and supportive and its been so nice chatting to other mums and mums to be that are on the same journey as me. One thing I have been asked a lot already though is if I am still running a lot – and the truth is, at the moment, no I am not.
I think again I put this pressure on myself that everyone would expect me to be some sort of super human pregnant woman still bashing out 50+ mile weeks and running marathons (if they were still going ahead) but the truth is, I just haven’t really felt like running, so I haven’t been, and thats totally fine, especially with everything else going on in the world right now.
I am hoping that over the next few weeks when my energy levels pick back up I will get out there some more, but right now I am just enjoying walking and as we are only allowed out once a day, I would much rather do something I enjoy then force myself out for a run!
I am going to get back to blogging more regularly now, and I am looking forward to sharing all the highs & lows with my pregnancy journey, and if there is anything in particular you would like me to write about, then please pop it in the comments below!
Jordan (& the bump!) xxxx